BulletProof JEST
- - -
The scene slowly fades in.
James Whitman, dressed in baggy black pants and a “JEST kidding” shirt, is sitting in chair and reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he lets out a big gasp.
James: OH MY GOD!
Thomas Williams, who is standing outside and watering a plant, pops his head in through a window.
Thomas: You called me?
James: Will you stop it with the garden and come in here?!
Thomas climbs in through the window.
James: Read this.
James tosses the paper to Thomas. We see the newspaper.
Thomas: Holy crap.
James: I know.
James quickly goes to his cell phone and calls the other JESTers and his cousin David, while Thomas turns the TV on and zaps to the news channel.Thomas: Well, we’re not on the news yet. That’s good.
James: I don’t get it. Who would-
They are interrupted by the front door opening. It’s Eddie Sanchez, Scott Jones and James’ cousin David Whitman, accompanied by two police officers.
David: These guys say they have a search warrant. What’s going on???
The two policemen walk into the bedroom as James starts explaining the situation, and showing the others the newspaper. Just then, the two police officers come back out of the bedroom.
Cop #1: Boys… We’re going to have to take you downtown.
The second cop walks out of the room, dragging a corpse which has “JESTers” written on it in spray-paint.
Thomas: Listen, we-
Cop #1: SHUT UP, BOY!
The cop grabs Thomas by the collar and turns him around, but Thomas keeps turning and nails the cop with a roundhouse kick. He then super kicks the other cop and runs out of the house, followed by the others.
A few minutes later, the 5 men are driving in James’ car.
James: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?!
Thomas: Look, he was being rough. Besides, there’s something fishy about those cops- they went straight to the bedroom, without checking the living room first.
James: Oh, what, now you’re batman? What is this, Dick Tracy? Sherlock Holmes??
David: Wait, wait, wait; what the HELL was that body doing in there anyway?!
James: I have no idea! We rented the apartment for our time off; we just got there a few days ago.
Eddie: Wait… something weird is going on here. I mean, at first, I thought this could be some rabid fan trying to please us in their own sick deranged way- but now I think it’s clear someone is trying to frame us.
Scott: Like a f*cking family picture.
James: Alright, listen! Let’s calm down. We got to go somewhere safe where we can gather our thoughts and think of something we can do.
13 minutes later, at the first bar they could find;
We see the JESTers sitting and drinking beers. Behind the Bartender we can see numerous wrestler posters; Samson, Orion, Adam Belmont, Seth Cagne… all of them apparently autographed.
Thomas: So, dudes, we’re in trouble.
Eddie: Yeah, Einstein, no kidding!
James: Listen, guys, we need to clear our names and crap before the big PPV, otherwise we won’t even get to defend our titles.
Scott (snickering): Why would we want to clear our crap?
The guys burst into laughter.
James: But seriously, this is no laughing matter. We need to find someone with info; someone who knows what to do and where to look if we want to find whoever’s framing us.
David: HEY! I have an idea!
The others turn to David.
David: You guys remember Sonny Williams? My partner in MWE?
Scott (snickering): You have a male partner?
Everyone bursts into laughter again.
David: Seriously though. This guy knows the streets; if something’s up, chances are he knows about it, or he knows someone who knows about it.
James: Then what the hell are we waiting for?! Let’s do this!
Eddie: Wait; let’s get some beers for the road.
Eddie talks to the bartender, who gets him two cases of beer. As David and the JESTers are walking toward the exit, the door opens and Scott, who is in front and has already seen who’s entering, lets out an “Oh no”.
Eddie: What? What’s the- Holy crap.
It’s the Bar Room Brawlers, Jack N. Coke and Jake Smirnoff.
Cheers are heard.
Eddie: What the f***?!
Scott: Where the hell is that coming from?
They all turn and see Thomas holding a cassette recorder. He pushes a button and the cheers stop.
Thomas: Sorry. Felt appropriate.
Jake: Well lookee here! These JESTy boys and their mascot must’ve known we were comin’!
Jack: HAHA!
James: Uh, sorry guys, we kinda have to go.
Jake: Hey, wasn’t there something about you guys in the papers?
James: Yeah, they framed us for murder.
Scott: And the people they killed are innocent people who know nothing about anything.
Thomas: And now we have to find someone who knows something about the Mafia, who may or may not have something to do with all of this.
David: And if we don’t find out fast, more innocent people are going to die.
Eddie: And we can’t let that happen.
Silence surrounds them for a few seconds…
Jake: So, you guys gonna drink all that beer or what?
James: ARGH! Come on, guys, let’s go.
They start leaving.
Jack: Fine, leave. But we know how you can get a hold of DeMarco.
The guys stop walking.
Jake: Unless you don’t need our help…
Eddie: Yes, yes! We need your help! What’s it gonna cost?
Jack and Jake look at the cases of beer Eddie’s holding.
Eddie: Oh, right. Stupid question.
15 minutes later
The BRB have completely finished the two cases of beer, and Eddie is buying two new ones.
James: NOW are you gonna tell us?
Jack burps.
Jack: Alright. You can get a hold of DeMarco through his phone; he just got a new cell.
Scott: Great, what’s the number?
Jack: How should we know?
James: WHAT?! But you said you knew how to get a hold of him!
Jake: And we do! By calling him on his cell phone!
Jack: Yeah, we just don’t know the number. HAHA!
A brawl breaks out between the JESTers and the BRB. The bar owner and about four patrons are trying to break it up when police sirens are heard.
James: Crap! Guys, we gotta go!
Jake: Yeah, run, ya pansies!
David and the JESTers, not having any other alternative, flee the bar (WITH their cases of beer, of course).
In the car, Thomas pulls out a flask and tries to drink from it. To his surprise, it’s empty.
Thomas: CRAP!
Scott: Dude, what?
Thomas: This thing’s empty!
James: Where the hell did you get that anyway???
Thomas: Jack N. Coke gave it to me when they were drinking our beer. He said he felt bad for us and he had two anyway. Apparently, he didn’t feel bad enough to give me something with FRICKIN LIQUOR IN IT!
Thomas grabs a beer, opens it, and meticulously pours some beer into the flask.
Eddie: Dude, what the hell.
Thomas: Hey, I paid for those beers they drank, and I got this in return. I am USING it. Besides, you never know when beer may come in handy!
David: Even such a small amount?
Thomas: Beer is beer!
After a while of driving through back streets to avoid the cops, they spot Sonny Williams dressed in urban apparel (except for his “Jack Savage” t-shirt) playing some sort of card game just outside an alley. They stop the car and walk over to Sonny, who seems to have a group of friends behind him, and opposite Sonny is none other than Crak Cokain, wearing a dirty, slightly faded Led Zeppelin T-shirt and tight pants with flannel patches. Crak also has a posse behind him.
Sonny and David shake hands; Sonny is noticeably worried.
David: Sup, nightstick?
Sonny: Not much, Nilla… I heard your cuz got into some trouble?
Sonny looks over David’s shoulder at James, who smiles exaggeratedly and puts his thumbs up.
David: Yeah, that’s why we’re here, Blackattack. Somebody’s framing the guys, and we need to find out who it is. You always have your pulse on the street, what do you know about this?
Sonny: Well, frosted flake, from the pictures I’ve seen, it looks like the kills were done by a seasoned veteran. They weren’t just messing around; they knew how to get the quickest kill. You probably already guessed who might have something to do with it; now think to a higher degree.
David: Oh no. Color of mourning, please don’t tell me that means what I think it means.
Sonny: Yup. You got it, blank paper. Chances are the one who put the hits out on the murder victims wasn’t just asking a favor of the mafia. They either have strong connections to the Mafia, or they ARE the mafia.
David: Dang, Sonny, I mean, we might have been the Mayhem Mafia but I don’t know sh*t about the real mob! Why would they do this?
Sonny: My guess is, you could find out easily from someone who WAS in the mafia but isn’t anymore.
David Hmmm: …
James: Dave, I think I got it. Thanks, Sonny.
James shakes Sonny’s hand, but Sonny doesn’t let go. James looks at Sonny who smiles and opens his other hand.
James looks to the others.
Eddie: Well??? Pay the man!
James grumbles and pays Sonny as he mumbles obscenities under his breath.
David: So, what do we do, J?
James: Well, I know two options.
James looks at Thomas, Eddie and Scott, who think for a minute then go “OOOH!”
Scott: Tuno! Jimmy Tuno used to be a mobster!
Eddie: Right, and Antonio DeMarco had connections with the mob too.
Scott: …as we’ve established before.
Thomas: I think he WAS a mobster.
Eddie: No, he was a hired gun, I think.
David: GUYS! Does it MATTER?
James: Meh. I dunno how we’re gonna find either of them, though.
Thomas: Look, first off, we need to find a way to hide our identities.
Scott: Like Clark Kent.
Eddie: Superman, mutherf**ka!
Eddie and Scott high five.
James: Right. David, you go buy us some undercover clothes and stuff. We can’t afford to be seen in public too much.
David: Alright. Where are you guys going to go?
The JESTers look at each other.
James: I think we need to go to the one man who’s been there for us throughout our career.
The camera fades out, then back in;
The scene fades to black, then back in and we see the JESTers standing in front of a big mansion talking to a maid.
James: Look, we’ve been through this before, Maria; we WORK for Timmons. Scott: Teemons, trabaho, mucho, si si? Maid: But my name is not- Eddie: Yeah, yeah, fine. Look, just tell us where Paul is and we’ll be on our merry little way. Maid: But I don’t know- Thomas: Listen, Esperanza, can you tell us ANYTHING? Scott: Yeah, Conchita, anything? Algo? Telliendo? Muy Burrito? Si si? Maid: I- James: Forget it, guys. This woman’s of no help to us. The JESTers start leaving. Eddie: Dude, where’d you learn to speak Spanish like that? You’re like a regular Zorro! James: Yeah, or that guy from that other wrestling fed, you know, from that LEX group… Scott: I dunno, I guess I just pick up languages quickly. James: Uh oh. Speaking of picking up… I think business is about to pick up! The four men stop dead in their tracks as they notice a policeman checking James’ car. They quickly turn around and start walking fast. Policeman: HEY! The JESTers suddenly hit a sprinting pace, and jump the fence into the neighbor’s yard. They jump through the backyard, and they arrive at a bus stop. A bus is just leaving. James: Let’s go! Thomas: We can’t! What if someone recognizes us? Eddie: Crap, you’re right! Scott: Just call David and tell him to pick us up. James: Fine. James takes out his cell and starts calling David. The camera zooms in on a poster on the bus stop for “Raoul Duke and Gonzo’s Greatest Hits and Kicks DVD” just before zooming back out to Eddie, Scott and Thomas. Eddie: Hey, guys, look who it is! They spot “The Real Deal” Ryan Teal in his car, waiting at a red light. Eddie, Scott and Thomas go up to Teal’s car as James is still on the phone. Eddie knocks on the window and Ryan opens it up without even looking to see who it is. Teal: No autographs, kids. Now beat it! Eddie: Yeah, motherf- Scott: EDDIE! Calm down! Ryan Teal turns his face, realizing who it is. Teal: Well, well, well, if it isn’t- Eddie: Listen, Ryan, we don’t have time for- Teal: Whoa, speaking of time, I gotta go! Besides, I can’t be seen chatting with future convicts, now can I? Thomas: WAIT! Look, you know us; you know we wouldn’t kill anyone! Teal: I don’t know you THAT well. And Whitman over there, I know he would kill someone… although I doubt he COULD. You know, physically speaking. Thomas: See? That’s what I said! Teal: Look, I’d love to stay and yack with you ladies but I’ve things to see and people to do. Later. Oh, and remember; when you’re getting hosed down, keep your holes closed down! Ryan Teal speeds away as the guys are left standing in disbelief. They’re brought back to their senses by the sound of a car horn; it’s David, and James has already entered the car. Eddie, Scott and Thomas enter. Eddie: What now, guys? David: I got you guys some clothes, fake mustaches, hats and stuff, but we gotta go somewhere where you can change. Eddie: Yeah, do we know anyone who lives close by? Scott: Why can’t we just go to your house, David? David: There were so many cops at my house I had trouble getting my car out of my yard. They got a search warrant and I’m pretty sure they’ll have my house under surveillance. Scott: Dang. James: Wait! I know someone who lives close by! The camera fades out, and fades in on a door. We hear The JESTers and David arguing. We see a hand knock on the door, and someone going “SH! Guys, quiet!” as the door opens. We hear loud cheers as James, Eddie, Scott, David AND Rocky Stevens turn to Thomas, who is again holding the tape recorder. He presses the stop button and the cheers come to an abrupt halt. Thomas: That was the last time, I swear. James: Rocky! What’s up! Rocky stays quiet. Eddie: Why’s your house so dark man? Rocky sighs. Rocky: I just turned off the lights. Lennox and I were just leaving. Thomas (slightly scared): L-Lennox?? The scene starts getting blurry, but we hear James screaming “HEY! HEY!” and the screen goes back to normal. James: We don’t have time for a flashback, doofus. We’re fugitives, remember? Thomas: Oh, right. James: Rocky, look, we just need to change our clothes here for a minute. Rocky sighs. The guys enter as Rocky turns the lights back on; we see Lennox Armstrong sitting down and the sofa and turning the TV on. Rocky grabs James by the collar. Rocky: What the hell is this deal with the murders, huh? As if we didn’t get enough bad publicity with that Stadium of Light fiasco??? The screen shows Thomas, who looks up as if trying to remember something. The screen starts blurring again but stops suddenly as Scott starts hitting Thomas with a newspaper. Scott: NO! NO! NO FLASHBACK! BAD THOMAS! BAD XTREME CHAMPION! Eddie: Rocky, you can’t really believe we’re really behind this whole thing, do you? Rocky lets James go, and sits down on the couch next to Lennox. Rocky: I just don’t know, you guys. All I do know, is WCE is in one hell of a bind, and unless we find out who’s behind all this, we’re gonna be in serious trouble. James: Look, just give us a chance, man. We’re on it. We can do this, I know we can. Rocky looks at James seriously, and nods. Rocky: Alright. Here. He hands James a set of keys as the JESTers look flabbergasted. Rocky: We’ll be back tomorrow. FIX THIS. Rocky leaves and Lennox follows him. As Lennox is leaving he pushes Thomas with his shoulder and Thomas nearly falls down. The scene fades out and back in; we see a huge bedroom. Eddie Sanchez is lying on one bed watching TV and Scott Jones is standing next to another bed (which David is on)putting his clothes on. The camera goes into the bathroom, where we see a shirtless Thomas Williams shaving in front of the sink. We hear water running behind dark shower curtains. Thomas: So, James…. We go to Tuno, who we’ll find using Rocky’s address book. If he knows nothing, we’ll try DeMarco. That it? James: Thomas, if I told you once, I told you a million times; SHUT UP. Seriously. It freaks me out when we converse while I’m in the shower. Stop it. Thomas: Come on, be a man. Anyway, what if we’re wrong on this hunch, J? What’s gonna happen then? James: We already messed up by going to Timmons’ house. The police are still out there and looking for us, and everyone we know here is connected to us through the federation, so it’s only gonna be a matter of time before they find us. This is basically our last hope… we gotta be right. If not, then we’re- Just then, we can hear a bar of soap accidentally slipping out of James’ hand. It hits the floor and makes a wet slapping sound. Thomas: That’s exactly what I thought. The scene fades out. =================================================== The scene slowly fades back in and we hear the song “Montage” by DVDA playing (it’s the song in Team America: World Police and it’s in a South Park episode entitled “As$pen” as well. If you dunno it, here; 
Rocky: Come on in.
Just remember that the lyrics are slightly different in THIS movie).
======================================================
<singing>The hours approaching, to give it your best
You've got to reach your prime.
We see James and Thomas running in slow motion.
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time
We see Eddie and Scott punching away with mist around them at what we assume to be steaks or two punching bags, but their hands punch just a bit off the screen.
Were going to need a montage (montage)
Ooh it takes a montage (montage)
We see James and Thomas again and the camera pans out to reveal they’re running upwards on an escalator that’s moving downwards, and a crowd of people at the top looking really angry and screaming.
We see Eddie and Scott again, still punching, and the camera pans out to reveal they’re actually punching nets filled with live chickens. We see blood pouring off their hands as a result of the pecking and the chickens’ blood.
Show a lot of things happening at once,
Remind everyone what’s going on (what’s going on)
The screen splits into four as in one part we see James looking horrified at a dead body, another shows Eddie running from the cops, the third one shows Scott drinking beer in front of a place with an “AA meeting” sign, and the last one shows Thomas standing and looking innocent with his tape recorder in his hand.
And when every shot you show a little improvement
Just show it all or it will take too long
That’s called a montage (montage)
Ooh we want montage (montage)
We see Scott and Eddie beating the chickens until none are left alive and then they jump around happily and hug each other. Then we see James and Thomas fighting people on the escalator and reaching the top and highfive-ing as the camera pans out to reveal countless people bloodied and tossed on the floor.
And we hope we don’t get sued for using this song,
Like that time at SoL but this time we’re really wrong,
We need a montage (montage)
Forgive us Trey Parker for stealing “montage” (montage)
We see the four friends meet up, and hitting on girls but failing, and clinking beer glasses together, then we see them in a court yelling at the judge
Always fade out in a montaaaage
We see the backs of the JESTers as they stand on a ledge looking out into the distance, and the song along with the scene fades out.
======================================================
We can hear a faint scream as the camera fades back in;
uuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK!
Thomas: Calm down, James, it’s not that bad! James: Oh, but it IS!
The JESTers and David are across from Jimmy Tuno and Terri Dymond in a New York style deli.
Tuno: Is he gonna be alright?
James: NO! I’m NOT! Look, can’t you tell us ANYTHING at all, JAMES?
Jimmy Tuno looks at Terri and back at James.
Tuno: No, JIMMY, I told yez already, I got outt o’ that life a looong time ago.
Jimmy Tuno leans back and Terri snuggles up to him, content.
James: Sorry, man. It’s just that, this thing’s a big problem. I was hoping you knew something… cuz DeMarco’s a long shot, he wouldn’t throw a glass of water on me if I were on fire.
Thomas: And next to a lake.
Scott: Mhm.
We hear “OH NO!” screamed off screen in an angry voice, and the camera quickly turns to the entrance of the deli. We see Dan Stown and Natasha Stone looking angrily at the camera. James runs up to them.
James: Thank goodness you’re here! Look, we need to find DeMarco or someone who-
Dan Stown: You F***ING LIAR! YOU #@^$)*^#@$_!$@! You told me something important was going on!
James: And- and it is, we’ve been framed for-
Dan Stown: You know what, f*ck you guys and f*ck your dumb@$$ movie.
Dan Stown grabs Natasha by the arm and they storm out. The camera moves back to the booth where Scott, Eddie, Thomas and David are sitting with Jimmy Tuno and Terri Dymond, and James quickly sits back down.
Eddie (awkwardly laughing, and glancing at the camera a bit): Hahaha, that Stown, still as insane as ever… thinking REAL LIFE is a MOVIE… hahaha…
Scott: Yeah, that psychopath’s no help.
Eddie: Hey, James, your phone is ringing.
James looks at the number then picks up his cell phone.
Eddie (to Scott): I wonder if he screens when we call him.
James (into the phone): Yeah. No. What? WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YES!!! Alright, lemme get the address for you!
James storms outside as everyone is left baffled.
Tuno: Speakin’ o’ stormin’ out, we’re gonna get going.
Eddie: Well, we weren’t actually SPEAKING of it… but, alright man! Thanks for taking the time to come down anyways.
Eddie and Tuno shake hands, but Tuno doesn’t let go.
Eddie: You have GOT to be kidding me.
Tuno: Hey, I took time out o’ my busy-
Eddie: Yeah yeah fine.
Eddie takes out his wallet and hands Tuno $50, and Tuno and Terri leave.
James walks back in with a huge smile on his face.
Eddie: Well, you b@$tard, guess things are looking up for you. First you get out of paying Tuno 50 bucks, which is YOUR job, and now you’ve probably got some great news to tell us.
James: I do indeed! I just got a call from Johnny Michaels… It seems he was able to sort this whole thing out!
David: WHAT?!
James: YEAH! He figured out who was behind the whole thing, told the cops and they went and found evidence! David, go buy some beer! Or, you know what? This calls for fancy champagne!
James gives David a wad of cash, and David leaves to go buy champagne.
Eddie: This is unbelievable! Well, who was it?!
James: He didn’t say. He said he wants to tell us in person.
Scott: Well… I, for one, am flabbergasted.
Thomas: I think they sell medicine for that.
Just as we see Scott raising his hand to smack Thomas upside the head, Johnny Michaels walks in.
JESTers: YOOOO! Johnny Michaels walks over to them with a big smile on his face; he’s walking with a 6pack of beer which he sets down on the table. Johnny: Boys, you’re off the hook! Let’s celebrate! James: Oh, you already brought the celebratory drinks! Michaels opens the beers and everybody takes one. Eddie: So, who was it??? Johnny: I hope you guys have time, cuz it’s a long story… As Johnny starts talking, we see everyone takes sips of the beer as the scene fades out. The scene fades back in, and we see a close-up of Scott’s face. His eyes are opening. Scott: Dudes… how much did we drink last night? The camera pans out a bit and we see Scott is lying on what seems to be sand. Eddie: Dude… I think that one beer was all we had… did anyone hear Johnny’s story? The camera pans out further and we see Eddie, Thomas, and James also lying on the ground, waking up. Mike Daniels: Oh, you’ll have plenty of time to hear the story… because you’re not going anywhere. The camera zooms way out through halls and doors… The camera zooms back in to where the JESTers were, and goes a bit to the top to reveal Mike Daniels, Chris Knoxx and Jason Styles sitting on throne-like seats, and next to them we see WCE cameraman Mikey Davis and referees Zach Miller and Vince Silverman. The JESTers look up at them.
Eddie: Where the hell are we?! What the hell is up with this?! What the hell are you guys doing here?!
Knoxx: My, my, that’s a lot of “Hell”, Eddie (chuckle). But it’s nothing compared to what’s coming.
Styles: Correct. See, boys; you’re in THE coliseum. Or, as the Romans called it; the Amphitheatrum Flavium.
Eddie and Scott look at each other and mouth the words Styles just said mockingly while holding their pinkies up.
Mike Daniels: Quite an appropriate place to be, actually. As you might know, the coliseum was once used for gladiatorial contests, and that is EXACTLY what is going to be happening tonight.
Thomas: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it hooooold IT. We went from being framed, to being lied to about not being framed anymore, to being in a coliseum and apparently having to fight??? Is there some piece of the puzzle missing, orrr…?
Styles: Listen, you idiot. It was ALL our doing. The murders were our doing, and the police we sent to your apartment were henchmen of ours. They were just sent to knock you out and bring you to us.Eddie: Wait, wait- WHY?!
Daniels: Because, you fool! We never get any credit while WE’re the ones behind all your so-called “hard work”! Without us announcers, cameramen and referees, you punks would be nothing!
Knoxx: Yes! But things are going to change… We may be The Forgotten. But soon, The Forgotten will be ALL they know!
James: But… why us?
Daniels: Oh, we were content doing our work. I mean, SOMEONE has to do the dirty work, right? But when you- you- you- CLOWNS started becoming the top stars in the company, we knew we had to do something. We couldn’t just let you monopolize the titles and make OUR show stale!
Scott: But dude, people LOVE us! WCE’s been on the rise ever since it returned!
James: Yeah, and people have even been buying our OLD shirts again! You know, the ones anybody can buy on WCE.com using their credit card, even KIDS, well, with their parents’ permission, of course.
Eddie and Scott turn to the camera and show the shirt:
Daniels: BAH! ENOUGH!
Styles: You don’t get it, do you? We want the WORLD!
Thomas: … what?
Knoxx: After we have you out of the way, we’ll make Timmons sign the company over to US!
Knoxx starts laughing evilly, as the others around him join in.
Scott: Hey, hey, guys.
They stop laughing.
Daniels: What?
Scott: Why didn’t you just take Timmons hostage and make him sign the company over? What’s the big deal with all the framing us and crap?
Styles: We knew you’d try and find Timmons! And if he told-
James: WHAT?!
The JESTers start laughing.
James: FIND TIMMONS? Dude, we couldn’t find him even if we TRIED.
Eddie: Yeah, have you MET his maid?!
Daniels: SILENCE! I’ve had enough of your foolishness.
James: You know what, WE’ve had enough of you morons as well, so come down here so we can kick the crap out of you and go home.
Styles: Who ever said anything about fighting us?
Loud creaking is heard as four doors around the JESTers open up.
Daniels: We’ve cooked up a little surprise for you, with some help of a friend…
Out of the first door, a blue mist emanates as we see Edward Freeze step into the arena. We see Nemesis standing in the doorway but she does not move.
The second door opens all the way and we see fire crackling and bursting from it as Steven Satan walks out.
From the third door we see a man come running out and he tackles Thomas as they begin to fight, and another man runs out from the fourth door and attacks James as well; the camera zooms in on the fights one by one to reveal the man fighting Thomas is Jamie Noxx and the man fighting James is Xtreme.
Daniels: Surprised, boys?
Steven Satan and Edward Freeze approach Eddie and Scott, who back up slowly.
Eddie: What the hell do we do, man?
Scott: We fight.
Suddenly, Satan sends a fireball towards Florida’s Finest. It just misses them but Scott’s shirt catches fire. He starts hitting himself to take it off.
Freeze: Here, allow me to help you.
Freeze sends a ray of ice towards Scott but Eddie pushes him out of the way. Scott takes his shirt off and tosses it to the ground.
Eddie: Dude. TOTAL Mortal Kombat rip-off.
Meanwhile, Thomas and Jamie Noxx are still struggling on the ground as neither can get an upper hand.
The camera then cuts to James, who manages to hit Xtreme with his finisher, the 5 feet under. Tired, James gets back up, only to see Xtreme jumps back up without any trouble.
James: Ahw, maaan.
James looks around, and then starts running.
Daniels: Coward! Come back and fight like a man!
James (Screaming): Says the guy sitting way up there in a safe spot!
The camera cuts back to Eddie and Scott who are also running now.
Eddie: Dude, I think I have an idea. Did you see Freeze’s face? It was like, glowing blue.
Scott: Yeah (panting), and I think Satan’s face was glowing red.
Eddie: Yeah! Don’t you get it?
Scott: Get what?
Eddie: I don’t think they’re the real guys! They’re clones or something!
Scott: What?!
Eddie: Look, just follow my lead, ok?
Just then, they pass by Thomas, who also decided to start running. As they pass him by Scott yells “They’re not real! They’re fakes!”
Thomas stops, confused, and turns around where he is met by a thunderous clothesline by Noxx.
The camera cuts to James who is climbing up. Xtreme is still chasing him.
The camera cuts to Eddie and Scott who are standing back to back. Eddie is facing Steven Satan and Scott is facing Edward Freeze.
Eddie: Dude, now.
Eddie starts running towards Satan as Scott also hits a sprinting pace towards Freeze.
Steven Satan throws a fireball as Eddie Freeze throws a ray of ice; Eddie Sanchez and Scott Jones both slide baseball style out of the way as the ice hits Satan and the fire hits Freeze. They both start reacting oddly; melting and popping.
Scott: What the hell WERE those things?!
Daniels: Argh! You idiots! You’ve destroyed them!
Johnny Michaels: Man, he is going to be SO pissed…
Eddie: What? WHO?
Knoxx: Sigh… Dr. X. We got the clonedroids from Dr. X.
Scott: Dayum.
Styles: But you know what, it doesn’t matter. We’ll finish you off ourselves.
The Forgotten (Styles, Daniels, Knoxx and Michaels, and Davis, Miller and Silverman) start heading down.
The camera cuts to a bloody Thomas, is still struggling with Jamie Noxx, who is on top of him and beating him with punches.
Thomas: (between punches) But… you’re… not… Noxx…
Noxx stops.
Noxx: Yes, I am.
Jamie Noxx pulls back his hand for the final punch.
Thomas: WAIT! But, I thought you were a clone!
Noxx: I AM a clone. Designed by Dr. X. I am an android who is a perfect clone of the original Jamie Noxx.
Thomas: So… You’re a clone of Noxx, who was made to think he is the original Noxx. So that means you’re the real Noxx as well?
Noxx (hesitating): … Yes. Absolutely.
Thomas: Well… are you the 2nd Noxx, who is a copy of the first Noxx, or are you the original Noxx, who somehow got turned into a copy of himself?
Noxx: …
Thomas: Dude, you better check with your bosses over there. I mean, I know Noxx was a bad seed and all, but I doubt he’d MURDER anyone. And you wouldn’t want to do something that the REAL you, or your SECOND you, wouldn’t do, would you?
Noxx gets up slowly, and turns up but sees The Forgotten heading down. He turns back to Thomas, who is now standing.
Thomas: All I want to know is, if you’re not really the real you, then how can you exist?
Noxx: …
Thomas: Look, let me help you. Let me just check if you have any brains.
Thomas motions for Noxx-bot to bow, which he does. Thomas then pries around a bit and manages to open the back of Noxx’s head. He sees circuits and such, suddenly gets a smile on his face, and takes the flask he got from the BRB out of his pocket. He pours all the beer into the circuits, and sparks begin to fly.
The Noxx-droid’s head explodes as Thomas jumps out of the way.
The camera cuts to Eddie and Scott fighting the Forgotten; Eddie and Scott are holding their own but not doing so well.
The screen cuts to James and the Xtreme clonedroid, who are now fighting at the highest level of the Coliseum.
James: Why are you doing this?
Xtreme: I was programmed to fight you.
James: But… why XTREME? Why not, say, Mark Marvin? Chris LaMonte? Kane Klinger?
Xtreme: Xtreme was one of your biggest influences according to your bio, so-
James kicks him down. Xtreme does a sweep with his feet, sending James down as well. They both get to their feet but Xtreme executes a hard knee to the gut and James falls to his knees.
Xtreme: Nice try, but not nice enough. I hope you’re ready to die.
James: … well, I couldn’t best you, so I guess it’s only fair.
HEY, IRONDICK!
Xtreme turns around and sees Thomas.
Xtreme: But- two against one isn’t fair!
Thomas super kicks Xtreme, who trips over the kneeling James and falls all the way down into the arena.
Thomas: All’s fair in warfare, B*TCH!
Thomas helps James up.
James: How long have you been waiting to crack out that gem?
Thomas: Meh, five years, give or take.
James: Hey, let’s go help Eddie and Scott!
The camera cuts to the arena where Xtreme fell on Zach Miller, Vince Silverman and Mikey Davis.
Eddie: Man that was some great aiming.
Knoxx: ENOUGH! This ends NOW!
Knoxx pulls out a gun.
Eddie: Hey, now, take it easy!
Scott: Yeah! Look, we’re sorry for, uh, being champions and stuff…
Eddie: Yeah, we’ll cut it out!
Thomas yells out HEY! Knoxx turns around and shoots; it hits Thomas in the leg near his crotch.
Thomas: Son of a-
Thomas passes out as James tends to him.
Michaels: What’s that noise?
Daniels: Ah, it’s probably just- What the?! Look up there!
Everyone looks up and sees helicopters. All of a sudden dozens of SWAT members burst into the arena. Knoxx drops his gun.
Scott: Whoa.
David walks up to Eddie and Scott.
David: Yo.
Eddie: HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND US?!
David: Well, when I got back and you weren’t there, and the table was full with UNFINISHED beers, I got suspicious so I called James. He didn’t pick up, but his cell answered the call anyway.
Eddie: Oh, because of the auto answer!
David: Yeah. And when I didn’t hear anything I went to the police to see if they got you guys, but they didn’t know about anything so I thought the people who framed you must’ve gotten to you.
Scott: Which they did.
David: Yeah. Then they traced the phone, and when we got here it was locked in a van outside. So, yeah.
Eddie: Wow. Now that’s a long shot.
Scott: Oh MY GOD! Speaking of shot, is Thomas ok?!
They all rush over to James and Thomas.
Eddie: Thomas? You ok?
Thomas: Guys… that… was…
Scott: What? That was what???
Thomas: That was the second-
Eddie: SPIT IT OUT, MAN!
Thomas: That was… the second time… that being a drinker saved my life.
The other JESTers look baffled, and Thomas reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out the flask. It has a dent from the bullet.
The screen fades out, and back in. We see The JESTers and David, standing inside a police station and talking to a cop who is writing.
Eddie: … alright. So, can we go now?
Copper: Yes. And we called and talked to Rocky Stevens; you can just show up at the Pay per View and wrestle your matches. Oh, wait; we need someone to stay for a few hours to verify all your claims and such.
David: I’ll do it, guys.
Eddie: Thanks, dude!
Copper: Well, if that’s all, you other guys can leave.
James: Sweet!
Copper: No problem.
The JESTers walk out of the police station and stand outside for a minute. They look at each other, happy that the ordeal is over, and put on their sunglasses.
James: So, guys. We were been framed for murder.
Eddie: AND lost tons of money.
Scott: Not to forget, we also almost died at the hands of android clones and nutcase announcers.
Thomas: And at the end of the day, we were saved by alcohol and our highly low tech ways; specifically, a flask and the inability to change cell phone settings.
They all smile and start walking down the street.
Eddie: Man, we should take everything that happened, and make it into a movie!
Scott: A movie with wrestlers instead of real actors? I think we’ve cena nuff of that.
The JESTers all laugh.
Thomas: Definitely got a point there.
James: Oh, look, a bar!
They head towards the bar.
James: A movie with wrestlers… pf!
Eddie: Yeah, who in their right mind would pay to see THAT?
The JESTers walk into the bar, laughing, as the camera slowly zooms out. The camera move up and we see…
And the credits start rolling.
Credits
CAST
The JESTers (James, Eddie, Scott, Thomas) as Themselves
David Whitman as Himself
Sonny Williams as Himself
Sonny’s Posse – Bryan Johnson, Milenko, Jake Bullet
Crak Cokain as himself
Crak’s Crew – Chris Almighty, Johnny Bullet, Sean Cokain
Paul Timmons’ Maid as Herself (We really think she pulled it off quite nicely)
Ryan Teal as Himself
Dan Stown as Himself (Could ya tell?)
Natasha Stone as Herself (See above)
Jimmy Tuno as Himself
Terri Dymond as Herself
Jack N. Coke as Himself
Jake Smirnoff as Himself
Rocky Stevens as Himself
Lennox Armstrong as Himself
I can’t believe you’re still reading this
Chris Knoxx as Himself
Jason Styles as Himself
Johnny Michaels as Himself
Mike Daniels as Himself
Zach Miller as Himself
Vince Silverman as Himself
Mikey Davis as Himself
Clonedroids (Most of our budget burned up getting the masks and makeup just right)
Steven Satan Clonedroid –Matthew Fertig
Edward Freeze Clonedroid- Chris Parks
Nemesis Clonedroid - Sascha Desilva
Xtreme Clonedroid – David Whitman (Told ya it was one hell of a mask/makeup job)
Jamie Noxx Clonedroid – Trey Roberts
Others:
“Search Warrant” Cops - Joe Martini and Johnny Dice
“Car Checking” Policeman - Elseekay
“Paperwork” Copper – Nero Fayng
Bartender – Seamus O’Grady
Bar patrons – Maverick Shaw, Jericho Shaw, Mr. Rudy and Mr. Toms
CREW
Directed by Nessa Petrova, “Same Diff” Tiff and the JESTers
Writing Credits; James Whitman, Eddie Sanchez, Scott Jones, Thomas Williams, David Whitman, Nessa Petrova and “Same Diff” Tiff
Produced by
The JESTers
Nessa Petrova (executive)
Tiffany Todd (associate)
Cinematography by
James Whitman
Film Editing by
David Whitman and Nessa Petrova
Casting by… Oh, just guess.
Production Design by
Yo Momma Industries
JEST Kiddin’ Inc.
Set Decoration
Tiff and Nessa along with JEST KIDDIN’ Inc
Original music by
David Whitman
Sound Department
David Whitman and Feedback
Production Company
JEST Kiddin’ Inc.
Special Effects
Effin Effects
Mindless Studios
"Montage"
Written by Trey Parker
Performed by DVDA
"Sonny’s Crew Rap"
Written by Sonny Williams
Performed by Sonny Williams and John Austin
"Time to Die (Battle Sequence) Instrumental"
Written by David Whitman and Scott Jones
Produced by David Whitman and Scott Jones
"Bar Medleys"
Written and performed by David Whitman and Feedback
"JESTers Theme (Intro and End)"
Written by the JESTers
Performed by Feedback and featuring the JESTers
Special thanks to Bryan and Jack Johnson, Mr. Timmons, and all our families and friends.
And a big THANK YOU to the fans who made it all possible. Remember to watch Night of Champions IV either live or on Pay per View!
If we forgot anyone, we’re truly sorry. Call any of us and we’ll give you a huge chunk of cash.
Well, call Thomas. He didn’t want to help us with the credits, so he kinda deserves it.
The views of the “Forgotten” characters do not in any way express the views of the actors who portrayed them.
No animals were harmed during the making of this movie.
Well, except for the chickens in the montage.
And of course, the countless random zoo animals we slaughtered backstage between shoots.
All Wrestlecrazy Entertainment programming, talent names, images, likenesses, slogans, wrestling moves, and logos are the exclusive property of Wrestlecrazy Entertainment, Inc. All other trademarks, logos and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.
©2007 WrestleCrazy Entertainment and JEST Kiddin’ Inc. All Rights Reserved.